Baby, You Can Drive My Car
July 17^th, 2008:  Bayway Lincoln Mercury   – Houston Texas

     Tonight is the unveiling of the new Lincoln MKS. More than just Ford's latest concept car, this vehicle is intended to be the flagship of Lincoln Mercury. The Bayway dealership   in Houston was chosen by Ford to debut the MKS   , and they've chosen the trio to provide ambiance for the evening's launch. The theme of the presentation is "Great Premiers". The Bayway team has transformed the entire showroom into a classical movie theater. The entire place is decorated with everything you'd expect to find in a movie house minus the sticky floor.   Nostalgic movie posters are plastered about the walls, a complimentary concession bar filled with favorite movie treats. They've even hired look-a-likes of actors from cinema's golden age. The impersonators range from Groucho Marx   to Marilyn Monroe. Matthew and George wonder to each other if the online booking site has hired the trio by mistake in attempting to book the Three Stooges. 

     The guys finish setting up as event's hostess, Rachel   comes over to meet them.  Matthew compliments the decor and use of 'celebrities' to add to the theme. Rachel concedes that "We wanted to hire the Jack Nicholson look-a-like but the agency charged $2000.00 per hour to send him over!" Upon hearing this, the three look at each other and immediately begin to offer up Nicholson impersonations from Jack's different periods. [ Lee   Matthew  then  George ] .  The impersonations are terrible, each one worse than the one before. These are so bad that Rachel is a little embarrassed for the guys. Rolling her eyes, she secretly hopes they play better than they do impersonations - gratefully they do.

     George starts the night off with a smokin' re-worked jazz arrangement of WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER. A pleased Rachel smiles as she reaches into the oversized popcorn bucket    on the table beside the bandstand. She pauses for a moment, then disappears back into the crowd for some intensive PR for the dealership. The set progresses nicely, offering compulsory car related titles along the way like KING OF THE ROAD, ROUTE 66, and others.

     George has never considered himself a germaphobe but watching everyone eat from the community popcorn box   has him a little distressed. One by one they stroll by the table next to him and reach in and shove a handful into their mouths as if they're partaking of communion à la Saint Orville Redenbacher, then move on to some other area of the showroom. They are completely unaware of the all of the fingers that have been thrust into the buttery bottomless bucket that they are grazing from - but George does. He sees big veiny hands, small delicate hands, feeble quivering hands, strong hands, soft clean hands, grimy oily hands, dainty hands, light hands, dark hands, boney hands, smooth as silk hands, weathered hands, hook hands (well... maybe not hook hands, but you get the point).    Gross.

     Gratefully he becomes distracted by a new and welcome sight. An elderly couple has taken to the showroom floor and begun to dance about. With all of their 'ballroom dance moves' Lee begins to wonder if Rachel may have hired them too to liven the place up. He mentions this to the other two, but Matthew doesn't think so. George shrugs. These two dancers glide around the showroom floor back and forth in between the spectators with the ease of a summer breeze through a field of dandelions. They effortlessly weave through the strategically placed tables as if were a slalom course. Their timing and grace could not be more elegant if they were birthed from Terpsichore herself. At the end of each song there is applause now - not for the band, but for these two.

     When the band takes a break and George approaches the dancers. They introduce themselves as Frank and Connie. George winces as Frank reaches into the bucket beside the piano. Connie mentions that the two of them attend a weekly dance jamboree in Galena Park, and the trio should play there. "There's about 50 couples or so that dance there every Monday night." George is intrigued and says he'll check into it. Frank joins the conversation (between the intake of questionable popcorn). He tells George about the time he met Lena Horne and Cab Calloway at the Cotton Club in NYC. Connie chimes in about how they also used to dance to Tommy Dorsey's orchestra in the 40s. Frank begins to sing lines from Dorsey's I'M GETTING SENTIMENTAL OVER YOU. Connie's eyes light up as she fastens herself to Frank's left arm. It's subtle, but George catches it.

     Meanwhile across the room, Lee and Matthew are chatting it up with the caterers. "Always make friends with the people who bring the food." jokes Matthew. She introduces herself as Dawn   "from the Last Concert Cafe". Matthew and Lee are impressed. The LCC has been a premier original music hang-out since the 50s. It's an eclectic Tex-Mex cafe in the warehouse district  downtown where live music is hosted nightly. "You guys sound pretty good over there." "Thanks. That means a lot from you." Dawn pauses at Lee's response, then focuses on him intently: "Do you know Beans?" "Yeah, Beans Barton?" "You used to play in his group-right?" Lee is shocked that Dawn recognizes him. "Yeah I played the drums and percussion in Beans Barton & The Bi-Peds, but, whoa...that was a long, long time ago." Matthew listens patiently as Lee and  Dawn laughingly relay the favorite Beans Barton war stories.

     Eventually Matthew dismisses himself from the talk of the Bi-Peds and returns to the band stand. George enthusiastically introduces Frank and Connie to him. Matthew reaches for the popcorn and quickly shoves a fistful in his mouth "Hey wait a minute Matthew... you might wanna... oh... uh..." Matthew smiling, goes for another handful of popcorn "Huh? What???" "Oh...nevermind." After a few minutes, Lee returns to the drum set. Filled with a refreshed sense of purpose and pride. The three launch into BLUE SKIES and dedicate to the tune to their new friends, Connie and Frank. George makes the announcement three times, but they don't hear it as they spin and dip into the evening.

     The final set goes smoothly. Rachel approaches the group content with how the evening has gone. She asks for a 'special favor' for herself. She'd like the guys to play any of George Strait songs. George quickly offers up and instrumental version of ACE IN THE HOLE. Rachel is pleased. With most of the showroom cleared out now, the impersonators have no one to 'act' for. So they congregate near the band. Groucho takes a picture with the band . Matthew learns that the Groucho impersonator is a full-time Robin Williams impersonator named David Born (http://www.robinwilliamsimpersonator.com). The guys are amazed to learn that David has won the Best Comedy Award in Vegas in 2007. He's also been on Last Comic Standing, Family Feud (celebrity week), and even had a supporting role in a Mickey Rooney movie called BAMBOO SHARK.  David gives Matthew and George a little taste of the 'Robin'. It's amazing. "Whoa, that's freaky. You're really good, but can you do a Jack Nicholson?" A puzzled David, slowly scratches the outside of his pith helmet, but gives no response.

     The Marilyn Monroe look-a-like approaches the band and asks in a breathy voice "May I sing a song with you boys?" The impersonation is dead on. George contemplates whether he should ask her if  she can do a Jack Nicholson. He decides not to ask (looking over at a still bewildered David). Instead, Matthew asks her if she'd like to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY . "Oh, you're funny as you are cute." She replies (still in character) messing up his hair. "I'd like to sing a slow, sultry version of I GET A KICK OUT OF YOU. Can you boys handle that?" The three nod in unison as George produces the chord chart. The song envelopes the room like a sable mink coat. Marilyn is definitely in control and knows how to work the room (or what's left of it). By the end of the song, every eye in the place is on her (and she knows it). She turns to the band and blows a kiss and leaves the bandstand. "Much better than a Nicholson impersonation." "Yeah, much better." "Jack is way overrated."

     The trio closes with their standard WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD, and begin to pack up. As the last of the equipment is loaded in the van, Matthew heads into the men's room. George having loaded in all of his gear, decides to follow Matthew to play a prank. He sneaks into the men's room, and seeing Matthew's back to the door, he kills the lights. Matthew being well aware of George's puckish nature, continues about his business, stating "Very nice...Yeah George, very nice."  But before the echo of these words have dissipated, George and Matthew are joined by a third. The general manager of the dealership has come into a darkened men's room with Matthew yelling "Very Nice". He clicks the light back on and demands "What the hell are you two doing in here???" George begins to reply "Uh uh...we were...I was..." Upon realizing that there is  no self-respecting reasonable answer to this question, he just turns around and walks out the door - abandoning Matthew (who's still at the urinal) to explain. They both are instantly aware that this pretty much solidifies that the trio will never play for Bayway ever again.

     On the way out to the van, George grabs one of the few remaining wrapped bags of popcorn from the concession tables   and offers it to Lee. Matthew returns shaking his head even though he's already forgiven George's prank. Lee and George tell him how they will miss him this weekend at the Conroe Country club gig. "Is your nephew still getting hitched?" "Yeah" "And there's no way out of it?" Matthew shrugs "No...I'm the minister performing the wedding -They would kinda notice if I wasn't there. But it's in Cleveland, so maybe I can stop over at the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame."  "Send us a postcard if you do." Matthew nods as George's window rolls up, and Lee's van heads out of the parking lot. Matthew watches their taillights fade into the distance. His gaze shifts to the sky. "Wow" He thinks to himself "It's so clear tonight...Every star shinning. He shuts the car door as he starts the engine. The radio comes to life playing the final verse of a familiar Beatles' song  "Baby you can drive my car - And maybe I'll love you  - - - Beep beep'm beep beep yeah..."  Matthew sings along.

 

 

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