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Fa-La-La-Lollapalooza After the Thanksgiving break, the guys head back to the mall…not to shop – but to perform. The food court has been transformed into a mystical winterland. There are two giant reindeers which form an arch at behind the band’s stage. Balanced between their two noses is a majestic Christmas wreath. All of this is lit up, making a splendid backdrop for the guys. Matthew and George joke about climbing onto these beasts to sing a song or two. George is pleased to eat the words he said during the last visit about ‘Mall of the Wasteland’. Reagan and the decorating crew really came through for this place. The mall even feels a little cooler temperature tonight. The band loads in. George gets caught up in the Christmas spirit and offers to buy Lee a bag of theater popcorn from the megaplex across from the bandstand. The two ask for a small bag and the workers behind the counter produce a comically small sack that has to be less than 5 inches tall. Lee and George exchange bewildered looks then back at the counter. “Is this the courtesy cup size? I mean, you can’t even put a fist in there. What’s the next size up? (pointing) How much does that one cost?” “It costs $4.75… but believe me, that’s a good price.” “Compared to what?” The counter person acts as if he’s relaying some insider trading information by leaning over to them and admitting in a hushed tone “…next month it’s going up even more – so today’s price is really deal.” George is not convinced, but concedes for Lee’s sake. George makes a crack about having to have a co-signer at the concession stand these days and the two head back to unload. Matthew is already set up. He’s wearing green Larry King-like suspenders with little white Christmas trees running down them. Very stylish – and hip (if you're 78). Lee and George play the ‘Door-Not-Door game’ with the flatbed dolly and the series of locked and unlocked mis-sized doors. After a quick set-up of the remaining gear, the guys kick off the set with WINTER WONDERLAND. A few measures in, Sameer, the worker from one of the small kiosks, approaches speaking in his cell phone. He tells George that mall security says the Texas City Police are outside at his car? George leaps from the stage and races to the mall’s exit. He slams into one of the locked ‘decoy’ doors. He makes his way outside in time to see the officer emerge from the patrol car. George introduces himself and explains that he’s parked here to unload musical equipment for the event inside. And that he simply forgot to return to move the car. After Officer Ostermayer runs a check on the car’s plates, he writes up a warning citation for being in a red zone. George thanks him for ‘letting him off this time’ and promises to be more attentive in the future. Meanwhile, back inside Lee is asked by an African-American man if the trio will be playing WHITE CHRISTMAS. Lee says yes. The man cocks his head and squints “So you WILL be playing WHITE CHRISTMAS?” Uh…Lee isn’t exactly sure how to respond to this. Gratefully he doesn’t have to – George returns to the stage and dedicates the first set to Officer Ostermayer of the Texas City P.D. The music settles in quickly and mall patrons begin to gather and sit in the chairs that have been put out in front of the stage. George grimaces when he sings “...and I’ve got some corn for popping…” remembering the imminent popcorn increase as looks over to Lee. A few tunes later, Mayer (the owner of the mall) checks in on the guys. He is impressed that George remembers his name from the ribbon cutting event back in September. He asks for a very non-holiday song from the group: THEME FROM NEW YORK, NEW YORK. Having not ever played it, the guys do an alright delivery, faking through it every step of the way. They are relieved to have made it through without exposing the bluff (whew). But Mayer likes it so much he asks for them to play it again. Then again when his assistant Kelly arrives. By this take, the trio starts sounding pretty good with it. So much so that they decide to add the tune to their repertoire. Speaking of new music: Matthew decides to introduce a new holiday parody after Mayer leaves. It’s a joke version of Pink Floyd’s BREATHE he’s written called WREATH. The mall Santa leaves his post promptly at 7:00 P.M (no doubt to check the toy inventory levels of the North Pole). The guys sneak over into 'Santa Land' and talk Sameer into taking some action photos of them in St. Nick's chair. Afterwards, Matthew heads over to his favorite Vietnamese deli, 'Hello Josephine' in the food court to brush up on his dialect with Wang. George follows Sameer back to the phone accessory kiosk. For months, George has been on a quest to find the perfect cradle/holster for his phone. His searching is equivalent to the zeal of Ponce de León for the fountain of youth or the crusaders for the Holy Grail. Sameer doesn’t have what he needs, but George persuades him to order one to arrive for a future visit of the trio. The group returns to the stage as George sings a delicate and haunting version of HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING. He tests the limits of the court’s acoustics as the sound of his voice gently, but firmly reverberates off of the ceilings and walls down the corridors of the marketplace. It feels as if time itself slows for a few moments - it is truly spectacular. Never considering himself a ‘bonafide singer’, George even surprises himself…then he has a surprise of a different type when a bug flies into his mouth at full speed causing him to choke and end the song prematurely. Matthew sings a few more parody songs while George recuperates from the kamikaze gnat attack. The night’s final song unexpectedly ends up being the Eagles’ COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS due to an electrical circuit blowing. The band’s board is plugged into the same breaker as the 10ft reindeer backdrop. Lee begins to shout “Mayday! Mayday! Reindeer Down…We blew out a reindeer!” The guys decide to pack it in as the listeners disperse. But the guys have a lot of silly still left in them. Each takes a turn doing impersonations of singer James Brown. Matthew singing ‘Fax Machine’. Lee surfs the flatbed dolly. George rips the black skirt from the piano and drapes over his shoulders “Ooooh! Ya Killin’ Me Baby!” Eventually the threesome regain their composure as the conversation moves to wether or not George genuinely knows someone who met Harry S Truman once and the like. As they say their farewells in the parking lot, George glances over to check his car windshield to see if there are anymore citations. George snatches the overpriced popcorn from Lee before he tosses it in the trash and the three head back home to Houston.
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