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Three
Grown Men Play Footsies Together On a Saturday Night
The guys are invited
out to the island again; this time to play outside
of an upscale shoe boutique called
Footsies. Since
George is vacationing with his family at a beach
house in the
In order to protect the band’s equipment
from
On the other side town, George prepares for
the engagement by listening to a mix of Tom Waits’
HEART ATTACK & VINE, an R.E.M. project with
Warren Zevon called HINDU LOVE GODS, and Jamie Cullum. (Thanks Melinda for the tunes).
George arrives to the spot first and meets a
seemingly pleasant local accordion player named
Shelia Spracklen Lee
( www.anet4u.com/musician.html
) on the
corner of the store front. She says that she
regularly plays this area for tips from passer-bys.
Shelia’s new Roland accordion sounds warm and
wonderful as George sets up the sound system and
piano; so much so, that he asks her if she’d like
to join in for a few tunes when the band plays in
front of the shoe store. He points towards the tent
that Footsies has set up for the group and Shelia
seems be on board wit the idea. (He will later
discover that this is all just a ploy by her to get
near the group for malicious purposes.)
Just then Lee arrives but Matthew is nowhere
to be seen…oh wait…he’s under the bass case.
The three scurry like ants to unload the rest of the
equipment from the truck. The guys have not been
together since the last gig a couple of weeks ago so
a bit of a reunion quickly ensues. The three set up
as if they are sailors hoisting up the sails of a
clipper ship. Everything rapidly snaps into place
– until George produces the mic adapter that
Matthew has asked him to pick up. Apparently, George
can not tell male plugs from female plugs (with
adapters that is). He has brought not one, but two
completely unusable adapters that connect
male-to-female. Matthew needs the exact opposite.
George has severely miscalculated, and likewise,
Matthew has severely miscalculated by entrusting a
technical task like this to George.
But wait…all is not lost; for some unknown
reason Lee has bought a mic. “Are you serious?”
asks George “That’s Great!” until he sees the
mic. “Yeah, I got this for $1.00” Lee proudly
responds. Matthew and George look at the mic then
back to each other. George begins to laugh
uncontrollably at the mic that looks like a
Fisher-Price flea market knock off. “Lee, It’s
plastic, and it’s…BLUE!” he fights the
laughter. Matthew looks down at the male-to-female
adapter in his hand. Lee attempts to defend: “I
tried it before I left. It’ll work”. “But Lee,
you’re not an upright bass - the tones are much,
much lower than your speaking voice.” “I tried
it –it’ll be fine” HOW much did you pay for
it?” “I got it for a dollar.” Matthew proceeds
to set it up, but the only thing it seems to amplify
is feedback.
Meanwhile, Shelia the accordion player is
heckling the guys: “I don’t have to use a mic,
I’ve got everything I need right here.” At
first, it’s mildly amusing and the guys play
along. But by the 3rd or 4th
refrain of “I don’t have to use speaker with
this. It’s all built in” the guys have moved on
to flat ignoring her; And there is NOTHING worse
than being heckled by an accordion player with an
attitude.
It’s 6:24 when the downbeat of
SITTING ON
THE DOCK OF THE BAY arrives. JaRue and Joyce, the
owners of Footsies, are pleased. The walk up traffic
for the store triples. George decides not to do the
Lady Bird Johnson tribute (who has just passed away). The original idea was to
play the Kenny Rodgers song LADY and change the
words. George feels that it may be in bad taste –
not the tribute parody… but to play a Kenny
Rodgers tune.
Lee is dissatisfied with his new cymbal, but
worse than that he has come across a free six pack
of a drink called
Enviga. It’s a sparkling green
tea soft drink . The fact that he got these for free
says it all; these things are basically a dare from
the Nestle/Coca Cola Company to their distributors.
This drink tastes worst than what you would expect
carbonated seagull urine would be like. George
curiously agrees to take a sip of one and regrets
it. He suggests that if the trio were to go on a
national tour, they should be sponsored by
Enviga.
After a few songs, Shelia the accordion
player decides that she can make more tips by
playing at the city park. Lee and George secretly
hope that she is attacked by bears in the park. Not
to harm her, but that they’ll make off with her
beer stein and battery-powered red accordion.
The trio is kicking now. They are in the
pocket, and the crowd of passer-bys respond. Some
couples even burst into spontaneous dance for a few
tunes. But two-year old
Sabrina arrives with George’s kids and Mary
(his mother). Sabrina has brought some much needed
bug spray to keep the mosquitoes at bay. George gets
the guys to play the Billy Joel song
SHE’S GOT
It’s almost closing time now. The group
introductions come during the Jackson Brown hit
DOCTOR, MY EYES. Matthew breaks into an unplanned
improvised scat session to cover for some technical
difficulties George is experiencing. This, plus
Matthew’s delivery of wildebeest facts during his
introduction, and the whole sideways amplifier mic
thing, earns him the MVP title of the night. The
group closes with I’LL BE SEEING YOU. Matt has
developed two blisters on his fingers. Lee secretly
has an ulcer in mouth (no doubt from the five cans
of
Enviga).
The guys are approached by an interesting
assortment of people eager to chat and pick up promo
packs. First a resident of
Lee hears reports of a severe storm
overtaking
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